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Elvis sighted
Elvis was sighted at the Podunk internet cafe. It looked like he was writing a CodeIgniter app.
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Say it isn't so!
Scientists conclude that some programmers have a sense of humor.
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Caffeination, Yes!
World's largest coffee shop open onsite nested coffee shop for staff only.
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Benjamin Franklin
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
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anon
Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
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Richard Jeni
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
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anon
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever
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anon
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever
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anon
If random wit was easy then we wouldnt need Comedians.
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anon
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
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anon
Taoism: shit happens<br/> Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit<br/> Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah<br/> Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it<br/> Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us? <br/> Atheism: I don't believe this shit<br/>
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Arj Barker
I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.
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Herman Hesse
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
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La Rochefoucald
Piece of Pith: <br/> Old people love to give good advice to console themselves for no longer being able to set a bad example.'
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anon
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance
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anon
It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown... and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
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Anonymous
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
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Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
I am not young enough to know everything.
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George Bernard Shaw, Irish literary critic, playwright and essayist (1856-1950)
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
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Oscar Wilde
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
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Erica Jong
If you don't risk anything you risk even more.
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anon
About as reliable as a 'Thai pinky shake'.
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Muhammad Ali
The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life
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Jimmy DeMaret
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
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George Deukmejian
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
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anon
And remember... <br/> Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 per cent probability you'll get it wrong.
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Alex Levine, author
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
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anon
There are only 2 kinds of software, Beta and obsolete.
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anon
I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.
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anon
Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat. Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.
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anon
A woman filed for divorce from her husband because she asked for something for her birthday, any style or color, that would go from 0 to 200 fast. <br/> He gave her a bathroom scale.
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anon
Why do men fart more than women? <br/> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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anon
Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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anon
Random Thought #46 The tip of a 2cm long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph.
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anon
Piece of Pith: <br/> If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: ? Take two aspirin' and ?keep away from children'.
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anon
Success is the ability to go from one failure to the next without any loss of enthusiasm.
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anon
Arguing on the Internet is like running in the Special Olympics, even if you win you're still retarded
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anon
The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it
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anon
The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent !
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anon
The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
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anon
One day, my ship will come. And with my luck, I'll be waiting at the airport!
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anon
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
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anon
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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anon
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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anon
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
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anon
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
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anon
All generalizations are false.
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anon
A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
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Ashleigh Brilliant
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.
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anon
I do know everything, just not all at once. It's a virtual memory problem.
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Doug Linder
A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
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anon
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
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anon
And God said 'Let there be light'. But then the program crashed because he was trying to access the 'light' property of a NULL universe pointer.
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Bjarne 'Stumpy' Stroustrup
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
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anon
C Programmers do it recursively
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anon
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
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anon
cthread. cthread_fork(). Fork, thread, fork!
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anon
Error: Sector not found -- search behind couch? (Y/N)
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anon
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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anon
There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
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anon
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra. Suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasles come.
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anon
If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.
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anon
You can't get there from here.
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anon
If you've got nothing nice to say, what the hell is wrong with you!?!
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anon
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, martini in one hand, hamburger in the other, body used up, worn out and screaming GERONIMO! What a Ride!
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anon
BS has the same mathematical properties as the number 1; that is, BS raised to any power is still BS.
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anon
Nice guys never finish anything; they are too busy worrying about who they will offend.
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anon
If you have never made a mistake, then you have never done anything of significance.
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anon
Before eating the elephant one bite at a time, one must first get it out of the oven and onto the plate.
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anon
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
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anon
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
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anon
I have recently realised that there is a case of 'You can take the Farang out of Sukhumvit, but you can't take Sukhumvit out of the Farang'
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Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters (and keyboards).
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C. W. Wendte
Success in life is a matter not so much of talent or opportunity as of concentration and perseverance.
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George Burns
Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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anon
More technology is not the answer. It is the problem.
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anon
Freaking intolerant BS! (man does intolerance piss me off!)
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anon
When life hands u lemons, ask for Tequilla and salt!!
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anon
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
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anon
How did a fool and his money GET together?
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anon
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular
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anon
I still really miss my ex but my aim is getting better
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Groucho Marx
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
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anon
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.........
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Bjarne Stroustrup
I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true - I no longer know how to use my telephone.
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Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
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Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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Seymoure Cray (1925-1996)
Answer: Number 3 pencils and quadrille pads. <br/> Question: What CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer
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Seymoure Cray (1925-1996)
Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray. Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) said when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.
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Edsgar Dijkstra
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Paul Erdos (1913-1996)
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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Bob Metcalfe (inventor of Ethernet)
Grove giveth and Gates taketh away. <br/> ... on the trend of hardware speedups not being able to keep up with software demands
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George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright, essayist and literary critic (1856-1950)
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
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John Locke
He that will make a good use of any part of his life must allow a large part of it to recreation.
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Samuel Johnson
All travel has its advantages. If the traveller visits better countries, he may learn to improve his own; and if fortune carries him to worse, he may learn to enjoy his own.
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Sir James M. Barrie
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
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Elayne Boosler
When the sun comes up, I have morals again
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A. L. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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anon
Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
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Harry Truman
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
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anon
BeSt ThInGs iN LiFe, aRe NoT tHiNgS.
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anon
Ah, life without nanny.
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anon
A recent survey, proved that 80% of the males in Liverpool had sex in the shower, the remaining 20% have not been in Prison yet
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Unknown
Fashion is all about eventually becoming naked.
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anon
Whenever you are depressed and think that you've lost, remember you are the same sperm that once won the battle To survive among millions of your kind.
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anon
Search for the positive and you shall find it. Search for the negative and you shall find it. You will always find and often become what you are searching for.
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anon
A man is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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Nancy Etcoff, Survival of the Prettiest
Beauty is equal parts flesh and imagination: we imbue it with our dreams, saturate it with our longings.
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Winston Churchill
True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information.
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Catherine O'Hara
It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised; the mosquito is swatted.
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Jerry Gellis
Prosperity is living easily and happily in the real world, whether you have money or not.
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anon
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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Conan O'Brien
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!
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anon
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
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anon
O' wad some god the gif tae gi us, tae see ourselves as others see us
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anon
Two men looked out from the prison bars, one saw mud, the other one stars.
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anon
Life deals you a hand, play it the best you can. If you cant win with whats been given, you've gotta bluff it!
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G.K. Nielson
Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.
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Michael Korda
One way to keep momentum going is to constantly have greater goals.
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anon
The more you have the less you show, the less you have the more you show.
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anon
C programmers never die, they just get cast into void
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anon
Lost on the internet? You are Here -->
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself
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Dorothy Parker
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
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Kafka
Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy.
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anon
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
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anon
The Fifth Law of Pipes: The outside diameter must exceed the inside diameter; otherwise the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.
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Saki
A little inaccuracy can save tons of explanation.
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Confucious (Kong Fu-Zi)
To be wronged is nothing unless you remember it.
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anon
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
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anon
If the going gets easier, you might be going downhill.
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anon
I'm happy to report that it has been a couple of weeks since I had a cigarette and my desire to kill people is beginning to fade. Of course writing this has created an urge for a smoke...
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anon
If you can't be happy where you are, it's a cinch you can't be happy where you ain't.
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anon
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bullshit before.
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anon
Remember, people move in the direction of praise, while criticism usually doesn't produce much movement at all, except away from the critic.
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Epictetus
We are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by our opinion of the things that happen.
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anon
Do everything you can to be a happy person, right now. If you think you can grouse today and then be happy someday... in the future, I'm here to tell you that happiness just doesn't work that way. Putting off happiness until 'someday' lasts forever.
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anon
Nine out of ten people think they are above average. The rest are in therapy.
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anon
Hindsight is an exact science.
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Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
He used statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts; for support rather than illumination.
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Abigail Van Buren (1918 - ), 1978
Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
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Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913)
That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Jeremy Irons
We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.
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anon
If you have something to say, raise your hand ... and place it over your mouth
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anon
To get Maximum Enjoyment from Life Take Big Bites. Moderation is for the Monks.
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Roald Dahl
A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
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anon
Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings'.
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anon
Life is a comedy to those who think, and a tragedy for those who feel.
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anon
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
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anon
Quitters never win, winners never quit.
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anon
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
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anon
I used to be Snow White... but I drifted
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Rilla May
Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark. --
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anon
Happiness is an empty sac!
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Gilbert Chesterton (1874-1936)
The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.
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anon
Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
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anon
The word 'Listen' contains the same letters as the word 'Silent'.
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anon
I would advise anyone not to have sex before marriage as you might be late for the wedding.
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anon
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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Benny Hill
Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?
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anon
The way a man wins shows most of his character. The way he loses shows all of it.
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Leonardo da Vinci
Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master.
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anon
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
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anon
Your failure to plan ahead does not make it my emergency!
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anon
When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
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anon
It is not what they say about you, it&#8217;s what they whisper.
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Mark Twain
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
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anon
Old programmers never die, they just parse away.
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anon
The only stupid question is the question you don't ask.
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Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913)
The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Thomas Jefferson
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
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anon
English cuisine and English women - the foundation of a great seafarer nation!
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George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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anon
I intend to live forever. So far, so good ! :-)
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Ogden Nash
Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
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William Blake (1757-1827)
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
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Vince Lombardi
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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anon
I keep my spammed links as test subjects for my security studies.
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Jon Lithgow
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.
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Serine
Men are like Snowstorms; You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
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Johann von Goethe
Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable.
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Scottish Proverb
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
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Will Rogers
Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
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Glenn Clark
If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears.
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Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
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anon
At the party last night, i asked every husband to go stand next to the person who made his life worth living... the bartender was almost crushed to death. :)
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anon
At the party last night, i asked every husband to go stand next to the person who made his life worth living... the bartender was almost crushed to death. :)
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Anonymous
Take my hand and walk along with me, not ahead of me; otherwise I may not follow you.
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George Bernard Shaw
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
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JustJooz
If you can learn before hand then there is no need to waste time making mistakes.
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anon
I sometimes wonder why I drink; I think that it's because I think.
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Chief Justice Earl Warren
I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failure.
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Elayne Boosler
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
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Anonymous
Having only modest talent is no excuse for not using it. Think what the morning would be like if only talented birds sang!
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Peter Marshall
Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and for what to stand, because unless we stand for something we shall fall for anything.
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Mario Andretti
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough.
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Ancient Persioan saying
I wept because I had no shoes, until I saw someone who had no feet.
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Albert Einstein
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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Jose Ortega Y Gasset
Life must be dedicated to a destiny, in order to have a meaning.
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Louis Pasteur
Chance favors the prepared mind
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Thomas Jefferson
Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Skill is knowing how to do it. Virtue is doing it.
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anon
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
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anon
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth the £20.
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Elbert Hubbard
There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.
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anon
Better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you`re stupid rather than open your mouth and prove it!!
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David Campbell
Discipline is remembering what you want.
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anon
Just remember boys and girls, these are the good ole' days.
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anon
Seasonal Greetings
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Elbert Hubbard
We work to become, not to acquire.
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Aesop
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
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S.Hawking
I have noticed even people who claim everything is redestined and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.
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Thomas Carlyle
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the delights of life, which they are thenceforth to rule.
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anon
A day without smiling is a wasted day!!!
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anon
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
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Consumer's Guide, Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)
If you don't find it in the Index,look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
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Consumer's Guide, Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)
If you don't find it in the Index,look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
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anon
Archaeologists have finally come up with an explanation as to why man eventually began walking upright. To free up their hands for masturbation.
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anon
Archaeologists have finally come up with an explanation as to why man eventually began walking upright. To free up their hands for masturbation.
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anon
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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anon
Those who never win and never quit are idiots.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
The years teach what the days never know.
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anon
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
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anon
A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.
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anon
Strange how much you've got to know before you know how little you know.
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Homer Simpson
Bart, just remember, trying is the first step to failure.
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anon
Guess, how to make your dreams come true.... Wake Up!!!
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Martin Golding (citation tnx to chads2k2)
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
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anon
Perfection is an ongoing process. There is only one constant: - change!
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anon
THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD! Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!! And look at you - you're on the computer!!
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anon
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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anon
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
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anon
Not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing!
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anon
Pay Your Taxes With A Smile - I tried ... but the lady said, 'Cash Only'
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anon
Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one
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anon
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
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anon
Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.
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anon
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
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anon
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
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anon
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
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anon
Blind Faith in Bad Leaders is not Patriotism.
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William Shakespeare, Othello
The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.” ~
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Author Unknown
Always remember to be happy because you never know who’s falling in love with your smile.
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anon
Design is not abundance of simplicity, it is absence of complexity. Think different, think fluidly, think lean.
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Unknown
I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.” ~ Author
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Author Unknown
Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to.” ~
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H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.
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Author Unknown
A smile confuses an approaching frown.
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Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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anon
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
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anon
Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions.
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anon
When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighter shaking hands.
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anon
I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.
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anon
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Will Durant
To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves...let us be above such transparent egotism
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Linus Torvald
Software is like SEX it’s better when it’s FREE
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Anonymous
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
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anon
It is not what you say you are, but what you do that defines you.
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George Cheers
Virtue is often the result of insufficient temptation.
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Unknown
A man is known by the company he avoids.
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Mark Twain
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great.
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Mark Twain
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.
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anon
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
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anon
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
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anon
Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea...'
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anon
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
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anon
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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anon
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
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anon
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
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anon
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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anon
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
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anon
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
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anon
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
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anon
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Henry Ford, US industrialist (1863-1947)
It is not the employer who pays the wages. Employers only handle the money. It is the customer who pays the wages.
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anon
Impossible is just someone's opinion
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anon
People There are three kinds of people: Those who make things happen, Those who watch things happen, and Those who don't know what the hell is happening!
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Nepalese proverb
Opportunity comes but does not linger.
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anon
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
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Ginger POTUS
We have a 5 billion dollar website. I have so many websites. I have them all over the place... I hire people... it costs me three dollars."
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Et architecto totam
Soluta voluptates te
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link  
 
Title goes hrrr
Body goes herr
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Title goes here
Body goes here
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Title goes here
Body goes here
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jy
ututyut
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Test
This is the body
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test
the body
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asd
asd
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Monday
Monday added transaction
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