I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
Taoism: shit happens<br/>
Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit<br/>
Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah<br/>
Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it<br/>
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us? <br/>
Atheism: I don't believe this shit<br/>
A woman filed for divorce from her husband because she asked for something for her birthday, any style or color, that would go from 0 to 200 fast. <br/>
He gave her a bathroom scale.
Piece of Pith: <br/>
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: ? Take two aspirin' and ?keep away from children'.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, martini in one hand, hamburger in the other, body used up, worn out and screaming GERONIMO! What a Ride!
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) said when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.
All travel has its advantages.
If the traveller visits better countries, he may learn to improve his own;
and if fortune carries him to worse, he may learn to enjoy his own.
Whenever you are depressed and think that you've lost, remember you are the same sperm that once won the battle To survive among millions of your kind.
Search for the positive and you shall find it.
Search for the negative and you shall find it.
You will always find and often become what you are searching for.
I'm happy to report that it has been a couple of weeks since I had a cigarette and my desire to kill people is beginning to fade. Of course writing this has created an urge for a smoke...
Do everything you can to be a happy person, right now. If you think you can grouse today and then be happy someday... in the future, I'm here to tell you that happiness just doesn't work that way. Putting off happiness until 'someday' lasts forever.
Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles.
It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
At the party last night, i asked every husband to go stand next to the person who made his life worth living... the bartender was almost crushed to death. :)
At the party last night, i asked every husband to go stand next to the person who made his life worth living... the bartender was almost crushed to death. :)
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the delights of life, which they are thenceforth to rule.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that, but the really great make you
feel that you too can become great.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I
could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.
People
There are three kinds of people:
Those who make things happen,
Those who watch things happen,
and Those who don't know what the hell is happening!
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.